Happy 4th of July

Well here it is July 3rd.  There is a hurricane off the coast, the rain is coming down, and yep I'm still sitting in a hospital bed.  Oh did I mention that they didn't think I'd even still be above ground right now, see I told ya so!  I got YEARS to go....lots and lots of them.

Doesn't get any better than this does it.  Life is good!  NO really, Life is GOOD.

I have been avoiding any updates, seems that as always, haters will get there voice heard in one way or another, and they have.  Things like "put on your big girl panties and get over it" is just another affirmation that the decisions I have made in the last 3 years have been the RIGHT decisions. So THANK YOU, thank you to those who are angry that I walked away, thank you to the family that blames me for the actions of others. Thank you to the ones who felt I didn't do enough, didn't give enough. Thank you to the ones who I was able to give all I had to.  Not only family but many that I came in contact with in my day to day life, I truly thought my heart was in the right place, I truly thought I was doing right, I would give it ALL, I just didn't know I would run out of "it ALL".  Thank you to those haters who have enabled me to see clearly, THANK YOU.
I am not perfect, I have made mistakes, I could have done things different and some would say I damn sure should have.   At this point I can hear it, some are probably thinking....what the heck this is just a "death bed" sermon, nope ...this girl ain't going anywhere.  Just stating some facts, and apologizing to those who have been looking for updates because they do care.  So here is what's going on.

I've had two Yervoy treatments to date.  The first was pretty easy, some intestinal issues, but we were able to move on after an extended time frame to the second dose.  2nd dose not so good.  I immediately took on several side effects, and today I am 2 weeks out from that 2nd dose and in the hospital since Monday.  I'm on IV fluids, IV steroids, IV potassium, and the team of Oncologists and GI Dr's are working to try to pinpoint what is going on.  While they are confident it is the Yervoy, we still have to get the situation under control to avoid other issues.  My body has always been the type that if it is odd, off the wall, or just unbelievable, it will manage it. There is some definite concerns as to next steps, every decision can bring on a new risk, so nothing is moving very fast. My Dr is fantastic, he is actually out of the country now, but had met me here at ER on Monday before leaving and has been in constant touch since I've been here, you just don't find that much anymore.

Monday was a little frightening for us all, it's about a 3 hour drive from home to the hospital, I wasn't coherent for any of it. Yesterday I found time for a meltdown, thank you Jan for being here every single second of this whole ordeal....just crazy.  I'm feeling better today than I have all week, and really want to be home, but I don't think that is going to happen today, and I'm really worried that they are going to keep me all weekend since the holiday is tomorrow, putting it in Gods hands.

So, this turned out to be a bit of a rant, a bit of an apology to my dearest friends and family, and a very quick update.....thank you for caring.

HUGGS and SMILES to all

Up the Steroids

April 28th first Yervoy treatment, now everything is on hold, 2 weeks of Steroids, and now they have doubled the Steroids to get this intestinal issue straightened around. Through each and every step, I've stayed positive, stayed strong, but right now in this very moment.....I just don't know what to think...80mg Steroids daily, unknown when / if the next dose of Yervoy, even though the lump on my neck is almost gone......it's working, DAMN, come on body cooperate.

Porcelain is NOT my friend

Five months into this FIVE months....since the first indication that this journey was ahead.

Now here I am watching positive results from the first Treatment of Yervoy, only to be held back from the next treatment because of intestinal issues, the Porcelain "god" is not my friend.  I'm pumping in the steroids, against my better judgment and accepting the fact that not taking them could result in a new issue, Colitis, oh hell no, not gonna happen.

All days Life is Good, but some I'm finding are more exhausting than others, things I was doing with little effort are leaving me flat out....went out yesterday for about 4 hours, didn't do much of anything and still came home and just flopped....thank you to my dearest Jan for being so tolerant, supporting, and loving...she is so strong and determined that we will beat this, where would I be without her. 

Trying to reach out to some Trike dealers, wish I knew how to hit the buzz words to get the support I so need to make the Huggs and Smiles trip, God knows best.  Thank you to all of you who have stepped up and made a contribution to this trip, with so much going on these days it would be so easy to turn a blind eye, instead you took the time, I am forever grateful.


Huggs & Smiles.

Down Time

So, I've found myself a little down the last week or so.  The Yervoy is making the journey very challenging.  I keep falling into the dark hole of wondering which way it is going - Good or Bad?  I've been on speed dial with God and I know that he's got this....if my damn human emotions would just leave me alone.

Funny I'm not afraid of the end, it will be a celebration, and IT WILL HAPPEN at some point, I'm 56 which leaves me what somewhere around the 1/2 way mark, with or without the Cancer,  LOL....

It is difficult to swallow that I am as sick as I am, crazy - I'm loaded with guilt over the things I tire way to fast to do, and others taking up the slack - I absolutely hate this part. I'm clawing my way out of any form of pity party....I've always avoided those type people, they only bring everyone down, so I'm NOT going there.

I have moved my thoughts way up the line and to bigger and greater things - when this coast to coast trip becomes a reality - when I complete it, I will be dedicating the balance of what I have left on this planet - to any and all groups that will allow me to support Cancer benefits, Pet rescue benefits, on the seat of a Trike, the front as long as I can, and the rear seat to the end. 

While I am tucking away the pennies, I could use your help, just a dollar, $5 if you possibly can, no amount is too small.....my first contributor made a $20 donation, if you can see your way to toss a little in the kitty....any surplus will go to the American Cancer Society, and to various Pet Rescues through any and all benefit rides!  These trikes cost upwards of $35k, the one pictured below is $20k.  I know this is a huge wish on my part....I've never been rich, always a payday to payday type person, with that extra $1 going to someone who needs it....and I intend to continue with that process, can't teach this old dog new tricks I guess...hahahaha.  Your contribution can be made anonymously or you can certainly put your name up there in BOLD print...know that either way, you will be making what seems like a daunting and impossible dream a REALITY. Here is the link:

http://www.gofundme.com/8hmfec         

Here is the Dream that WILL take me from East coast to the West coast....and fill my bucket list:

HUGGS & SMILES

Meet the Nelson's

Wow what a week last week was, a last minute invite from our good friend Denise gave me memory that will last throughout time.  Spent time with Annie and Amy, then got to spend some time with Willie.  I met Bobbie, what an incredible lady she is.  Willie he is one of a kind, what a gentle soul, with such a kind heart and loving energy.  I am so blessed to have had that opportunity, friends for life.

Saturday evening was spent with some Awesome ladies in Aiken who shared some incredible moments of "pee your pants" laughter, and some much needed education on the health concerns of "lemon" water served in your local restaurant (Thank you Nick).  Love ya both!

Those two events exhausted my body in such a good way, but still trying to get it together, didn't know I was so easily taken down these days, but wouldn't trade it for the world. 

Some great news, It's been two weeks since my Yervoy treatment, and the lump on the side of my neck is down from a golf ball size to a jelly bean size.....I'm so hopeful that this is moving me in the healthy direction.   The PET scan on Thursday last, will tell some of the story when I get the read from Dr. Shirai next Monday, Almost afraid to get to excited but know that God's blessings will continue in abundance and I WILL kick Cancer's BUTT!

Thanks to Jan, Denise, Annie, Amy, Willie, Nick, Stacy......you all have made such an incredible impact on my life this week....you are truly Angels from God.

Huggs & Smiles to all

Melanoma Monday

Today all were wearing Black in recognition of Melanoma.  This is a crazy crazy disease.  I still look back and wonder what the heck happened, like life changed overnight, and so it seems to be for many dealing with this disease.  I am so blessed to be functional and positive, God is good.

 

Today was a tough day, it's been one week since the first infusion of YERVOY, I woke up feeling like I'd been ran over by a Mac Truck, legs wobbly, just exhausted, spent the day on the sofa doing pretty much NOTHING.  This cannot continue, but I do have to rest and I will try to be aware of that.  On the GREAT side of this, the lump in my neck actually seems to be shrinking, GOD IS GOOD. My bestie is just amazing....just amazing....

 

A little disappointment came today, I received an email from both Harley Davidson and the makers of the CanAM Spyder - both turning down my request for support for a trike for my ride.  While this is very sad news, I know God's got this, if it is meant to be it will be. Just makes me more determined to get Ellen's attention or Queen Latifa's attention, I'm also going to start getting ribbons made and send out for a straight donation to : http://www.gofundme.com/8hmfec         

 

 

Many old peers, friends, relatives have reached out, and it has been nice to talk to each of them.  I'm pretty much a "personal" type person with little interested in gossip, or oversharing....and I tend to push people away and maintain my personal space. At the same time I think of each an everyone of you and send love and prayers daily.  Just an odd duck I guess....or a little defense mechanism, not sure which applies. 

 

Huggs and Smiles to all.

 

Fresh Air

It was so nice to get out yesterday, took a ride to Columbia - had an awesome day!!!  Today I'm beat, but it was so worth it.   Spending some time with the fur babies and going to start the production of the Ribbons today - can't wait.

So, I'm standing in the shower, and these silly thoughts come to mind, thought I would share it:

The Grass isn't always greener on the other side ....
          good excuse to not get up of your lazy butt and climb the fence.....think about it....what if it IS?
          (and why even give it a thought unless your grass is dying beneath your feet where you stand)

Then the Plan A & B theory.....I always preached that you should have a plan B.... then I realized         that if you need a Plan B....you never HAD a plan A.....


With all the excitement of each and every day.....good or bad, it reminds me that I'm still alive, and able to continue to smile...and most of all try to have a positive impact on each and every soul I come in contact with, this, I believe, is my God given task while living this existence we call life....and I love every single minute!

Huggs and Smiles to all.